Lonely Day

I am obsessed with Hypnotize. That is one of the few good things that happened to me in the past week. My suite mate got me a completely free, completely real copy. Before she was awesome, it was just on my computer.

Good thing she got it for me before my computer died. And by died I mean I thought it wasn't turning on. But I didn't let myself think about it until today, when my paper was finished. Now I'm pretty sure it's only the screen that's fucked up. Still screws me for doing anything on it. I'm moving to the computer lab. After last night and today's paper writing, and the lab crap I have to do tonight...
Speaking of papers and school... today just tried to kill me. I got my midterm grade back for my history class. After not doing any reading for class today. It was not a good time. Then I was late for Japanese because I was finishing my sociology paper. I skipped Environmental and Sociology to finish it. After not being responsible this weekend. Everything I'm doing wrong in school just hit me today. After midterms, I barely go to Sociology and Environmental classes enough to be called a real student. This is ok for now in Environment, cause I don't skip the labs, and am getting good grades on them, but its REAL bad for Sociology. My teacher knows me, I think, and she has to notice by now I am rarely in class. The paper that was due today was not hard. The class isn't hard, I just don't do enough. I just let procrastinating on other things make a good excuse for skipping class. There was a review session tonight, because no class wednesday, but I didn't go because I wanted to eat and de-stress. And at this point, what does one review session matter? I could've had some reasonable commitment during that time. Back to Japanese. I missed the quiz today, which my grade can't afford, and I'm almost definitely skipping class wednesday to go home, which my grade also can't afford. I didn't turn in all my homework today, I still have to finish it. And I forgot that we were reading something we had to make corrective comments about. I just can't handle school this semester. I want to apologize to my History of Islam when I do meet with him, and tell him I really like his class, even though I'm being a horrible student, but I think he might take it the wrong way. Like I want to be pitied and given a grade boost. Which would be nice, but that's not why I'd say it. So anyway, I get back to my room today disgusted with myself because I'm not doing the way I want to in any of my classes, was confronted with the fact that my computer doesn't work, and the fact that I don't have the one necessary substance for living-Milk- no surprise I wanted to be violent. Or just to curl up in a ball and go home and forget this semester ever happened. And I know I deserve whatever grades I get. Maybe I should just stop expecting to get what I want without exerting much effort.

AHHH. Have to stop this verbal diarrhea. Japanese calls. Oh the joy of listening to Japanese in the computer lab...