Ahhh

One day back, and I'm already stressed. Still haven't done anything about my broken computer screen (at the computer lab again)

I just looked at my exam schedual. Its hilarious. All four tests scheduled on the same day. I could be exam-ing from 9 am to 10 pm with just a one hour break for lunch... sounds like a blast to me

Lonely Day

I am obsessed with Hypnotize. That is one of the few good things that happened to me in the past week. My suite mate got me a completely free, completely real copy. Before she was awesome, it was just on my computer.

Good thing she got it for me before my computer died. And by died I mean I thought it wasn't turning on. But I didn't let myself think about it until today, when my paper was finished. Now I'm pretty sure it's only the screen that's fucked up. Still screws me for doing anything on it. I'm moving to the computer lab. After last night and today's paper writing, and the lab crap I have to do tonight...
Speaking of papers and school... today just tried to kill me. I got my midterm grade back for my history class. After not doing any reading for class today. It was not a good time. Then I was late for Japanese because I was finishing my sociology paper. I skipped Environmental and Sociology to finish it. After not being responsible this weekend. Everything I'm doing wrong in school just hit me today. After midterms, I barely go to Sociology and Environmental classes enough to be called a real student. This is ok for now in Environment, cause I don't skip the labs, and am getting good grades on them, but its REAL bad for Sociology. My teacher knows me, I think, and she has to notice by now I am rarely in class. The paper that was due today was not hard. The class isn't hard, I just don't do enough. I just let procrastinating on other things make a good excuse for skipping class. There was a review session tonight, because no class wednesday, but I didn't go because I wanted to eat and de-stress. And at this point, what does one review session matter? I could've had some reasonable commitment during that time. Back to Japanese. I missed the quiz today, which my grade can't afford, and I'm almost definitely skipping class wednesday to go home, which my grade also can't afford. I didn't turn in all my homework today, I still have to finish it. And I forgot that we were reading something we had to make corrective comments about. I just can't handle school this semester. I want to apologize to my History of Islam when I do meet with him, and tell him I really like his class, even though I'm being a horrible student, but I think he might take it the wrong way. Like I want to be pitied and given a grade boost. Which would be nice, but that's not why I'd say it. So anyway, I get back to my room today disgusted with myself because I'm not doing the way I want to in any of my classes, was confronted with the fact that my computer doesn't work, and the fact that I don't have the one necessary substance for living-Milk- no surprise I wanted to be violent. Or just to curl up in a ball and go home and forget this semester ever happened. And I know I deserve whatever grades I get. Maybe I should just stop expecting to get what I want without exerting much effort.

AHHH. Have to stop this verbal diarrhea. Japanese calls. Oh the joy of listening to Japanese in the computer lab...

Ahhhh I just got Hypnotize! I'm not gonna be able to do homework anymore tonight...

Plus I just decided I need to replace all my clothes, and when I go shopping I need to only buy things I will actually wear!

I'm in such a weird mood. I need to do something, but I'm trapped in my room.

Google

I googled my name today, and found an old track site. I ran a mile in 6 minutes and 12 seconds. I couldn't even dream of running that now. It's disappointing. Not that I ever want to run a mile in track again, but being able to run a 6:12 mile was part of being able to run 3.1 miles in 20:40, and part of being able to run 8 miles in practice. I sorta miss having practice after school. I miss being able to run that much. I ran with Pam yesterday, and it was awesome. She was just the right person to push myself just the right amount. She felt like I was pushing her, too. I guess I miss the people I ran with at practice, even though they weren't the nicest people. My first day I ever practiced under the eyes of my coach, during the summer, he said I have a runner's body. I don't know if I really believe him, but it was nice. I'm certainly too short to ever be told I have an ultimate player's body!!

I made the best catch of my life this weekend. This girl was on me who kept poaching, saying to her coach I would never beat her deep. Well, I did. Lesser made a beautiful throw, and I saw the girl running to block it, but she jumped and instant too soon. I was so focused on the disc, it was amazing. I landed on my ass, but it didn't hurt at all. I wish I could make catches like that all the time. I feel like I'm a spastic ultimate player. Sometimes I'm really in it, and I feel like I really help the team, but then other times, I find myself not cutting because... I don't know, but it's frustrating, because I feel like by now, cutting should be the easy part. I think sometimes I let my defender psych me out. As Campbell said one time we were practicing cuts, "But the girl knows where I'm going to cut". You can't think that way, then you won't cut in the first place, or you won't commit to it. Maybe that's why zone offense is easier for me.

Empty!

Three of my suite mates are already gone. The other is leaving tomorrow, after I have departed at an early hour to play frisbee. So when I get back, there will be no one to greet me and comment about how much I smell. I'm sure I'll survive, though. Everyone cleaned their dishes today. Combined with the fact that I cleaned my room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, the suite feels remarkable clean and pleasant. I wonder if my roommates will even notice when they come back... Lucky them, to get me randomly out of everyone on the wait list. If I weren't here, they'd probably be attacked by the crud growing in the shower.

In 8 hours, I will be getting up for the second real tournament of the year. I'm really excited. I did everything I possibly could to pull everything together tonight. I even made myself sandwiches.

I indulged in take out tonight because of my luck last night. The first time I go up to order drinks, there's this old guy who offers me a vodka soda. I politely refuse, because that's not a drink I like, and make small talk as I wait for the bartender to notice me. He decides to buy the two drinks I order (lucky Tucker, one of the drinks was hers). More small talk, and I depart back to my table. Later, I agree to go order cheese fries for Sasha. She hands me a ten. Somehow, the bartender takes the ten, and mistakes it for a one when she gives me the change. I didn't notice until I handed Sasha the change, and she said something. Otherwise, I might have been a good Samaritan. So we get cheese fries and a five dollar profit (which I claim, because I did the walking). Clearly that justifies paying a lot for one meal.