Rain, rain, go away
I just read in my inbox a sad email. No Williams tournament this weekend =( due to the rain. And I had been enjoying the rainy weather to a slight degree (except when the wind turned my umbrella inside out) I suppose this change of events is good for my academic career... two midterms next week I really need to study for.
I feel like a lot has been going on in my head the past week. I have found myself talking to an un-named person in my head, trying to convince them why I need to NOT take another semester of Japanese. Today, I felt judged by a freshman as a lost cause. I didn't read a story and answer the questions last night. He didn't answer the questions, but had read the story. We were supposed to "compare" answers in class... He managed to look at the question and think of an answer in about three seconds. I just sit staring at the page, not knowing how to go about this task. I don't have the capabilities to grasp a story in five minutes, let alone answer questions about it. To make matters worse, this freshman is sitting next to me, who probably felt bad for me, barely thinking about what he's doing, making me nervous because he's making me feel judged. At one point, I attempted to try and make the situation work out, but failed. I tried to listen to his answer to the first question, and write it down, but I got flustered in the writing down process. He said the answer in English, which wasn't really what I wanted him to do. I think I convinced him I'm stupid, that's why he tried to explain the answer in English. I can understand Japanese, thank you VERY much, but I just can't listen to someone mumble an answer to a question I haven't read, about a story I haven't read, and write down exactly what they said in two seconds! I don't think I would mind him being in my class if every other kid wasn't a slight variation of him. Making me feel like I can never understand Japanese at the same level they do. I did relatively well on the test from this week, considering I didn't really study.
On a different thought level, I think I need to change my New York living "style". I don't feel motivated to work towards the expectations I have of myself, much less the expectations my teachers have of me. I joined CU Roadrunners in the hopes that I would go on the group runs, and get into shape so I can run the marathon next year. I haven't run outside of practice at all. I thought about going on the group runs once or twice, but didn't make myself go because I knew I'd only end up being the slowest person there, and feeling like crap because of that. I think if I manage to start working out, I might find motivation from the fact that I'm not just lazing around when I'm procrastinating on my school work.
I feel like a lot has been going on in my head the past week. I have found myself talking to an un-named person in my head, trying to convince them why I need to NOT take another semester of Japanese. Today, I felt judged by a freshman as a lost cause. I didn't read a story and answer the questions last night. He didn't answer the questions, but had read the story. We were supposed to "compare" answers in class... He managed to look at the question and think of an answer in about three seconds. I just sit staring at the page, not knowing how to go about this task. I don't have the capabilities to grasp a story in five minutes, let alone answer questions about it. To make matters worse, this freshman is sitting next to me, who probably felt bad for me, barely thinking about what he's doing, making me nervous because he's making me feel judged. At one point, I attempted to try and make the situation work out, but failed. I tried to listen to his answer to the first question, and write it down, but I got flustered in the writing down process. He said the answer in English, which wasn't really what I wanted him to do. I think I convinced him I'm stupid, that's why he tried to explain the answer in English. I can understand Japanese, thank you VERY much, but I just can't listen to someone mumble an answer to a question I haven't read, about a story I haven't read, and write down exactly what they said in two seconds! I don't think I would mind him being in my class if every other kid wasn't a slight variation of him. Making me feel like I can never understand Japanese at the same level they do. I did relatively well on the test from this week, considering I didn't really study.
On a different thought level, I think I need to change my New York living "style". I don't feel motivated to work towards the expectations I have of myself, much less the expectations my teachers have of me. I joined CU Roadrunners in the hopes that I would go on the group runs, and get into shape so I can run the marathon next year. I haven't run outside of practice at all. I thought about going on the group runs once or twice, but didn't make myself go because I knew I'd only end up being the slowest person there, and feeling like crap because of that. I think if I manage to start working out, I might find motivation from the fact that I'm not just lazing around when I'm procrastinating on my school work.
posted by Joni at 4:19 PM
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