Lost in New York

Though the outskirts of Philadelphia can hardly be called a whole different world than New York, recently I've been wondering if New York effects me more negatively then originally estimated. It's not that I don't have friends, or connections, or things to do in New York, but something is weird. I feel disconnected from the world. I haven't had very much motivation at all for the past month (or longer?) to do anything... including going outside my suite and enjoying what fresh air can be found in the city. My sociology class was looking at the "metropolis" and "modern culture" this week. The author we read said the city changes people. It makes them ignore things more, in order to survive in this place of excessive stimulation. It also gives freedom, but at the expense of personal relationships. The city shapes modern society by using a monetary economy, which quantifies almost everything. The city also forces people to become specialized, because only by being good at one thing can people try to preserve their personal identities. I can't help but think these ideas relate to my own situation.

Maybe I'm losing the struggle of modern society versus individual personality.

I'm thinking about looking for some religion. Not the concepts I associate with Christianity, though. Having someone tell me I'm going to hell for some of my beliefs and actions is not something I want to embrace with open arms. Or having someone tell me the only reason I have a chance to be saved is because Jesus died for me. That just doesn't comfort me when I'm going to sleep at night.