I'm having a normal aim conversation with a friend when I type "I can be a direct girl sometimes". It was like a revelation. I'm not saying I'm direct all the time, because I'm not. But I wish I could be. And I wish people would be direct with me. I'm not mean and rude (I hope!), but I don't really care for people acting differently then they say, or not telling me things I should know, or pretending they care about me when they don't. My ideal is directness. I consider it a good thing.

So I get up this morning and think somehow I can spend ten hours doing homework today. Five hours later, with no homework done, I have accepted the fact that I never will be able to do that much homework in one day, unless someone literally straps me down and makes me do it. Now I'm actually sitting down, with my work in front of me, and I don't know how Mara is taking 6 classes. I literally don't have enough time to do homework and everything else I want to/need to do.

Sectionals

The first "official" tournament was today. We played one full game against Ambush, and maybe half a game against Yale. Then we scrimmaged each other. I'm so exhausted now. I can't decide if I should justify a nap and not really go out tonight, or if I should work through the period of tiredness and hope it gets better, and then go out later. I must say, if I didn't do something tonight, my weekend might suck. But I also really need to do homework... Decisions, decisions! Speaking of decisions, I am terrible at making them. I hate the fact that I have so much work I have to do tonight, because I have so much more work I have to do tomorrow. School really sucks sometime.

Dreams

Me: I had this great dream that I was a super hero. I had my own powers, but then I stole this mask from a really mean guy. When I put the mask on, I could become whoever I wanted to. At one point, I was a guy with super strength, and I got to beat up someone who was being horrible to me. Another time I was this super tall super hot girl, and I was about to meet System of a Down (except some random rapper showed up instead... I think he was from El Pus...)
Lauren: You crazy girl, that super hot chick wasn't a dream, you were just looking in a mirror!
(at a different time)
Sasha: I think that means something psychological. Like you don't want to be who you are.
Nancy: I was just about to say that.
Sasha: But it's ok, everyone feels like they don't wanna be themselves every once in a while

Maybe I just want super powers...

Alcohol

My memory doesn't like working after I've had alcohol. That's not a good thing. I don't remember what time I got home last night, and somehow, once I got home, I decided the floor would make a better bed than my actual bed. Part of me thinks I need to give up drinking. The rest of me knows there is no way that's happening. Something has to change though.

Vegetarian

I rashly declared myself a vegetarian at the first practice. The term makes me uncomfortable in a certain way. I don't want to limit myself that much. It's not that I don't like meat, it's just that I'm cooking vegetarian. If I'm at a restaurant, or if someone's cooking for me, I have no qualms.

I had one of the weirdest dreams last night. It involved lots of alcohol and the ultimate team. I hope it wasn't a prediction of Saturdays party... I think that's the first time I was drunk in my dream.

Oy. Today I think I'm going to the Japanese chat club, it the hopes that somehow, my fluency in speaking Japanese will improve. I'm nervous that everyone who shows up will be native speakers, and I'll just feel dumb. I hope the people from my class who said they are going will actually show up...

Corn bread pancakes are the best.

I got a job at the Barnard greenhouse. Yay! I get to work with more fun plants. One of my hobbies this summer was stealing orchids from my work (the ones that had too many bugs to sell to customers, but had new shoots/roots growing). The idea being that if I could manage to keep such reject plants alive, one day I will justify paying 25-50 dollars for one. I don't remember when I decided I actually like certain plants, but it was sometime this summer. Thus, a job at the Barnard greenhouse was imperative. Good thing I got it! Now, just to figure out a way of doing my endless reading and Japanese studying in the hours that are not taken up by work, class, ultimate, or cooking.

Holler.

I've had this strange urge to say "holler", stressing the -er, the past few days. I have no idea why. I've managed to keep the urge under control, but sometimes it slips out...

So the first week of school is done. Somehow, it was not a stress free as I thought it would be. I completely rearranged my schedule at least 4 times, probably more like 6 times. Really fucking annoying. Now I'm only taking four classes that somehow add up to 15.5 credits. If there weren't the problem of having to have permission to take one more class (18.5 credits) I probably would guilt myself into trying to fit another class in. I consider it a good thing, especially because all my large blocks of time will disappear as soon as I start working and playing Ultimate.

My room is wonderful, though. My own personal space! Last year, I didn't really want to be close to my roommates. I didn't want to be dependent on them or vice versa. Looking back, I think part of my aversion to them was me feeling like my territory was threatened. There was no where in NYC to truly call my space. I think I was unconsciously angry at them. Now, I have my room, and I can shut the door and keep everyone out, or I can sit in the kitchen and talk to whoever else feels like avoiding work. I can invite friends over to drink with out worrying about displacing a roommate because she's uncomfortable. It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

And there's sorta space for parties. Holler! I might plan a party for my birthday.

Unfortunately I managed to get sick again and I can't fully appreciate having a kitchen yet. I baked cookies last night, and all my suitemates came out of their rooms because they could smell the delicious smell. I couldn't smell anything. Next week...