Sunday morning

(rain is falling...)
My random thought for the week: Could your body reject breast implants? That would suck.
My other thoughts:
I feel like I don't have a passion for anything I could major in. And unless I find something I care to learn about, I don't want to go to grad school. But most everyone says stay in school as long as possible. Or if "they" are my parents/uncle, they say I should go to grad school because I am smart. Why am I thinking about this now? I'm sure my life will just fall into place. And I will be happy sometime. And I will have children, and teach them to play frisbee.
Oh wait, have to have a serious relationship first before I can have kids. That could be a problem. Part of me thinks I'd be a great girlfriend. The rest of me says I'm never gonna find someone that I will care enough about to actually BE a good girlfriend. By the end of my last relationship, he cared more about me than I did about him. Not a good situation.
Back to the passion thing. In sculpture today, we went to our grad student TA's studio. I started thinking maybe I could be an artist. I certainly am not bad. I really enjoy working in 3D. However, I don't think I care enough to do that with my life. Oh the dilemma! What if I never find something I care about!
One thing I don't care about: Languages. I know I should care. I know I may have a better life if I know another language. But the 4 semester language requirement is going to kill me. I have a Japanese test tomorrow. I should be studying. But I just don't want to. Why did I chose Japanese? Next year, ooh man. The combination of Japanese and a science...

(note: this is not a depressed post. I can't tell at the moment if it seems that way. It's more of a rhetorical debate distracting me from studying.)

There's ham in my fridge...

I went to church for Easter. Sadly, my friend who used to live next to me wasn't there. I managed to talk to people though. I was surprised. I felt more grown up than I ever have before. I don't think I'm more mature. Maybe my status in the adult's eyes changed now that I'm in college.
I got excellent gifts for my birthday. CDs, a sweatshirt, a little pillow I wish I could've had on spring break, shoes, and money. This is the first year I've received cash from both my parents and my uncle and aunt. It was so nice to be home. Even though I missed a party.

I just need a rush of passion to spice up my life.

Frustration

College seems to have destroyed all confidence I had in my relationships to other people. As a senior I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I would go to college and become even more confident and happy. I thought I would talk to random people all the time. I thought I would figure out what I want to do with my life. I thought things would be easy.

Unfortunately, things don't turn out the way you expect them to.

I'm going home this weekend and getting a necessary emotional booster.

one long trip later...

I'm 19. I had a crazy spring break. Starting with a 15 hour drive to Georgia and ending with another 15 hour drive interrupted at 12:30 am to celebrate my birthday with beer... I can't say I'm glad school is in session again, but the end of spring break means the end is near. Now I'm looking forward to summer. It doesn't even feel like my birthday yet. Not that being 19 is better than being 18. Still not legal. Still searching for the meaning of life. No knowledge was revealed to me as the clock struck 12.

Tired

I'm not getting enough sleep. I don't know how to change that because I have early things every day except Friday Saturday and Sunday. And those days I stay up till 4 or 5 even if I'm exhausted. Staying up late on the weekends then makes it incredibly hard to go to sleep early on the weekdays. I should be going to sleep at 12. I rarely go to sleep before 2 or 3. Ugh.
Today, I had a class at 9. I managed to stay semi-asleep till 15 minutes before class was over. Then I woke up. I felt so awake and happy. Guess what happens? I go back to the half sleep stage in my 11 class for no reason.

Ok, I'm done with that. I will just survive on not enough sleep like everyone else.

Now, what do I want that my brother can buy me for my birthday?

Birthday!

Speaking of iPods... y'all should give me a birthday present by completing an offer on this site
http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=11637840
I still have hope this will get me a free iPod. I need 3 more people to do it...

iPod

Nancy is getting an iPod. I want one. However, I don't know if I can ever justify spending that much money. Especially because I bought myself bartending classes and I'm going to Georgia for spring break, and I'm thinking of taking a plane out to Oberlin as an celebration of the end of school. My Discman is good enough... except it doesn't play all CD's. It likes to make certain burnt CD's sound fuzzy. Maybe I should invest in a new Discman...

I wish I knew the names and artists of the songs I grew up on. I know, I know, I didn't listen to the coolest music when I was young, but it has such emotional value. When I was real young I liked country music. There's one song that goes "when I hear that fiddle gonna beg for more!" I would so listen to that now if I had it. Maybe I didn't like all country music... Now that I think about it, there were maybe 3 or 4 songs that I loved, and I don't remember anything else.

If I did get an iPod, would I want a real one or a mini? 1000 songs is a lot, but is it enough? I have 2487 songs on iTunes right now, and that doesn't include all the CDs I own. Would I be satisfied with only half of my options in my iPod? I read/heard somewhere recently that people are less happy if they have more choices. The mini is smaller, more colorful, and cheaper. Decisions, decisions... not like I'm getting an iPod anytime soon.