We had a suite meeting tonight. Good things happened with the fridge and freezer. I mentioned that I want people to wipe the counters. The reaction of the one-with-whom-I-have-conflicts was "I won't agree to wipe the counters unless EVERYONE does it with clorox wipes, or some other disposable thing. Rags need to leave the kitchen". I got upset because of this. To me, it sounds like she's saying she'd rather have the counters covered in crude than have me wipe them off with a wash cloth. I can intellectually understand why she thinks it's gross. What bothers me is that I've been cleaning the counters, etc. with rags and wash clothes all last semester and up until today, and she didn't feel the need to mention how much it grossed her out. I'm probably crazy for being bothered by this. But by her admitting now that she thinks I'm spreading microbes when I think I'm keeping the kitchen clean and pleasant for everyone, she makes me feel like a complete idiot and an ass. Plus, it makes me feel like she has no respect for my ability to try and live with her. I'd like to think that if the first time we talked about dishes, cleaning, etc. she had mentioned that she can't stand seeing rags hang around, that I wouldn't feel so attacked. Because we could've found a different place for me to hang my dish towel right away. I wouldn't feel so dumb. It doesn't help that the reason this whole issue came up is that I pushed her to talk about it.
We didn't really cover the issue of dishes much. Which might be a problem later.
She also mentioned that someone (aka me) had put a dish with half a lemon in it over with the dirty dishes when the dish was clean, and she intended to use the lemon again. Which made me feel like an idiot on one level, that I can't recognize something someone wants to re-use, like an ass on a second level, because clearly I'm not respecting other peoples space like they want me to, and angry, because she's the one who left something that could be considered dirty in a place that I work in, and expected me to leave it in my way. To throw her own words back at her, everyone shares the kitchen. Which means to me that the top priority should be cleaning up after yourself so others can use the same space. I think her focus is more on leave everyone's stuff alone, and if it's in your way, you tell them, and THEN they will move it. I happen to find it easier to move the stuff, and hope that next time it won't be left in the same place. But, I agreed to try and let stuff sit in my way for a day, until I talk to the person who owns the stuff, and only then, if they don't move their stuff, can I clear a space for my Japanese homework.
Somehow, I feel like I didn't make any of the points I wanted too, while I agreed to subject myself to the will of others to a greater degree. But would I feel better if we had talked about dishes, and everyone had agreed to make more of an effort to keep the dish drain empty, and the piles of dirty dishes contained? Or if someone had mentioned keeping the entire suite clean, and people had decided to spilt up some of the tasks?
As much as I don't want to relinquish control over the level of cleanliness of the suite, it would be nice if other people swept up their food crumbs and hair collections in the corners. Or at least acted like they noticed it. How do I live with people who freak out over harmless rags, without noticing the growing collection of slime in the bathroom sink and tub, and the armies of crumbs all over the kitchen floor?
At least, now I know more what bothers people. Which was my admitted goal for the meeting.
I'm way too accommodating, and focused on how to keep other people content. But I don't want to unknowingly cause anguish to the people I share a common space with.
